How therapists want you to talk to them: An inside look

Communication is key in any therapeutic relationship. Many patients believe effective communication means they must verbally convey to the therapist the symptoms they are experiencing and the goals they have for treatment. Yes, those are very essential pieces to successful treatment, however, there needs to be more.

Below I will list out several bullet points that make for an effective therapeutic relationship between therapist and patient and therapist and a patient’s family.

  • As a patient, ask the style of your therapist and their theoretical orientation (e.g., cognitive-behavioral, integrative, psychodynamic, etc.).
  • As a patient, ask how the therapist thinks you are doing in treatment. A therapist should be honest if they believe the patient is no longer benefitting from treatment, or if a different treatment approach should be recommended.
  • If a patient feels that treatment is stagnant, bring this up with the therapist.
  • Get your family, friends, spouse and/or partner involved in treatment. Treatment is much more effective when your support system is in place and knows how to support you using your therapeutic skills outside the treatment setting.
  • Do your research as a patient. A good resource for new, top of the line, evidence-based treatments is You can also look at PSYCHinfo. Bring new studies into your clinician if you are interested and discuss potential implications for your treatment. We WANT you to be involved!
  • Be your own advocate! So many times I see patients hesitant to question a recommendation by myself or other professional doctors. We are here to answer your questions and make sure you understand your treatment and progress. This is a collaborative process. Asking questions and being involved IS NOT being burdensome. We want you to ask away!
  • Be honest. This is a hard one because sometimes it may be difficult to even be honest with ourselves. If a major stressor in a family is not discussed (e.g., a parent is very sick and a child is being treated), this will directly impact the treatment goals and progress in therapy. Be as honest as you can about your ENTIRE situation.
  • If you feel like you cannot pinpoint it, but you do not get along with your therapist it is important to tell them. Most of the time, potential personality clashes are miscommunications. However, sometimes they are not and therapists can refer you to other clinicians who would be a better fit. As psychologists, we believe this to be a very important piece to treatment and do not take offense if there is not a good “personality fit.”
  • Make sure your therapist is listening to your concerns. How does one know this? You can ask them to summarize your concerns and include them in the treatment plan. Over the years many of my patients have brought concerns to the table that would be deemed non-clinical, but to them, they were ranked higher in terms of importance than the clinical concerns. It is important to convey this to your clinician.
  • Overall, be willing to work with your clinician and give the process the time it needs and deserves. Sometimes treatment takes 1-3 months, other times, it may take 2-3 years.


Wishing you well on your therapeutic journeys!



I am a clinical psychologist with approximately 15 years of experience assessing and treating anxiety and depressive disorders in young children, adolescents, young adults, adults and geriatric populations. I completed a 6-year predoctoral training award at the National Institute of Mental Health, and postdoctoral training at the Anxiety Disorders Center at the Institute of Living/Hartford Hospital. From my clinical and research experiences, I have come to see the struggles of many families deciding when to pursue professional help and feeling very lost in the process. I will address several mental health issues that will help educate and empower my readers to make better mental health decisions for themselves. Welcome to my blog! Johanna Kaplan, Ph.D. Disclaimer-This blog is not and cannot be used in replace of formal therapy. This blog is used to inform and educate and is not a form of informal or formal advice.

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